it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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