i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
