I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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