my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
