I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
