apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
