I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
