phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
