I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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