Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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