I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
