i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So much rum. So many feels.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
