Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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