There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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