You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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