And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
