I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize