think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
