Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
