Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
