I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
