OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
