i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
