did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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