Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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