his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
