hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
