College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
