I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
