i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
