He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize