I hate your face
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
