I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my shit smells like andre
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
