Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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