for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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