There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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