who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
