We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I want is dick and wine.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
