I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
