Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
