She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
