it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
