Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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