Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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