sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
