you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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