Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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