He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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