It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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