I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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