Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again