you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer