So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.