I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok