IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
