my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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