You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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