Swine flu. Run for my life!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
