a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
