can u get pink eye on your cock?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
