I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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