right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
