OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
pray to the hookup gods
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
