I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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