And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
