He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
