Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
