i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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