I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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