I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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