you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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