Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
