If i come over, it means nothing
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
vagina is talking i cant
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
