Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
