This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
